i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
