she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
