the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
