She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
