i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
