We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize