Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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