she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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