Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a search helicopter?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
