The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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