Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
