I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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