your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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