I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
