I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my god I love twenty year old dicks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
