My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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