i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
