He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
