So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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