Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
