Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
