Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
