I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
