oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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