i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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