After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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