All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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