Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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