I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
