One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize