I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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