I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
