to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
