Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
