is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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