mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
