He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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