Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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