i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
