Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
