somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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