I heard we made out
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize