the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
