No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
