I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
