He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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