I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think a kid would responsible me up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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