Only a mothe r could love this liver
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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