This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i think i just lost a toe
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
