we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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