I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize