The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
