It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
