if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize