A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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