he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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