I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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