i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
