Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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