I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
