his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
