cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
