i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
