Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
