I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
