3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
