Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
