Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
