My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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