My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
