i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
